Living in the Mystery; Pushing the Boulder Uphill

Posted by Beth Green on Nov 29, 2010

One of the greatest advantages of age is that we have had enough time and life experience to see the unfolding of “the mystery,” the many ways life works out better when our agendas are thwarted. We have witnessed the positive that has come from the unspeakable happening, the dreaded event occurring or the unwanted outcome transpiring.

How many times have we really wanted something, only to realize later that it wasn’t for our highest good? The guy who didn’t get the girl, the drug addict who couldn’t get the fix, the applicant who didn’t get the job. Only in retrospect can the guy see that the girl was wrong for him and that he was blinded by her charm or appearance. Or that she rejected him because he was behaving like a jerk, and her rejection was a wake-up call. Only with sobriety can the drug addict realize that he needed to be blocked from the fix, so that he could wake up to his addiction and go for help, which saved his life. Only with deep humility can we acknowledge that we were not the best candidate for a job, even though we wanted it, or that we should feel grateful for the rejection, because our destiny lay in another direction.

There are always boulders we think we need to push uphill: obstacles to our wants, desires and intentions. I want the girl, the fix, the job, and I’ll do anything to get it. But isn’t there another boulder: the boulder of our immature ego, demanding outcomes that are selfish, self-destructive or blind? Isn’t that the boulder we should be pushing out of the way instead?

Every day I am confronted with occurrences large and small that do not go according to my plans. And I can get very mad. Yet how often do I remember to look within and ask: What is the message in the defeat? Is this obstacle showing me that I should try harder? Or is it telling me to surrender my agenda?

One great reason to surrender an agenda is that the motive stinks. Here are some examples

1. I am struggling for something that my ego wants but I don’t really need. Such as, when I try to catch a guy with money and prestige, but whose self-centered behavior would drive me up a wall. Or when I push to get the bank to lend me money on a house I can’t afford, even though it would cause me to overwork and stress out.
2. I am pretending to do something that looks noble but is a cover for my ego. Such as when I compete for a top position in a group, claiming to care about the project, while my real intention is to impress myself or others. Or when I strive for a higher-paying job, claiming to want to be a better parent, while I’m really trying to get a more demanding job, so that I have the perfect excuse not to be at home being a parent at all!
3. I am trying to get someone to change his or her behavior, in order to avoid having to make a change myself. Such as when I want my husband to become different, so that I don’t have to leave him and face life on my own.

What do I do if I look within, and my motives are clean? I am encouraging my husband to be different, because his behavior is hurting HIM. I want to become a leader in this group, because many people need help and the old leadership is lax and uncaring. I see the destructiveness of a society dominated by greed or self-centeredness, and I want to do something about it. Then what?

Here are some thoughts:

1. I check my motives before I do anything. Is there anything about myself that I need to confront? Am I masquerading my ego with good intentions?
2. If my motives feel clean, I approach the people involved and speak with openness, candor and a willingness to hear a different perspective.
3. If the result still seems negative to me, I connect to the depth of my being. Should I continue this fight? If I did, would I be following some inner voice or divine guidance, or would I be pushing my agenda because I don’t like to be thwarted? If the latter, I drop it.
4. If I have done my all and still cannot change history, I surrender to the mystery.

So, yes, we are back to living in the mystery. There are occurrences in life that are so harmful, it’s hard to see any benefit in them at all. But with time, we can often comprehend what we could not perceive in the anguish of the moment, that what looked like the worst was actually a gift and that destiny has brought us to a higher outcome. We or others may have become stronger and more empowered, or we have been blessed in ways we could not have imagined, or humanity wakes up to the pain of our collective unconsciousness.

And that is often the case. We still seem to need painful outcomes to become conscious. The holocaust is still a reminder of the consequences of racism. The painful impact of obesity is changing our eating habits. And the devastated life of one child can be an example for another child at risk.

Until humanity becomes more self-aware, we will still be stuck with the need for bad outcomes to help us learn and grow. Our unconsciousness is the boulder we all have to push uphill. You would think by this time that we would have grown more in awareness, but we still struggle. And that’s the real mystery, isn’t it?